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Audra McDonald
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Baltimore
When my mother told me don't forget your rain boots when it's wet I listened up, just like a good, good little girl And when she prudently suggested I should lose the cigarette I knew that bit of wisdom was a pearl But in all of the advice that I collected through the years I admit to you, with trepidatious dread Unfortunately, there was some that whizzed right through my ears Ah, WHERE.? WHERE was my mind, when Mother said
Avoid navel-contemplating floppy haired actors originally from Baltimore Who excel at mime, collect stamps and have issues with their mom Sure at first they're very charming, their attention is disarming But give attention in return and dear they'll drop you like a bomb Yes, do avoid REO Speedwagon loving Christopher Walken imitating thespians originally from Baltimore Who can't piss unless their shrink says it's ok Why let them break your heart, dear? Put your head on and be smart, dear Put some bug spray on and make them go away.
When my daddy told me look both ways before you cross the street I took his words to heart and I complied And when he told me be yourself, and I should march to my own beat I did and found THAT truth was bonafide But in all of the advice that I collected through the years I have to say, I am a bit surprised I missed the best advice that Daddy trumpeted my way Ah, where where was my mind when he advised
Avoid narcissistic alcoholic think-they're-French-but-they're-not waiters originally from Baltimore Who deflower you, carry a copy a Fountainhead in their pocket and lie about their age Sure at first their eyes are steely, and their words are touchy-feely Have them cheat upon you twice and my advice is more than sage Yes, do steer clear of Renaissance festival loving food service consultants originally from Baltimore Who say they dance with NYC ballet but are really an administrative In-TERN Find more lyrics at ※ Mojim.com
For it's clear upon reflection When you give him your affection You will understand the concept crash and burn
The singles world out there can be a scary land I have to ask, is it me, or is it Maryland?
So if you can possibly avoid it, don't fall in love or lust Or have crushes on Boys from Baltimore Though indeed at first they seem filled with style and class Sure Cal Ripken's charm is actual but he's married and it's factual Pamlico is not the only place you'll find a horse's ass Yes, at all costs avoid ridiculous though amusing experiences cultivated in Baltimore Barry Levinson, I mean no disrespect If you have to go to Baltimore, and meet boys, do not marry em Although it's true I've heard that they've got quite a nice Aquarium Ladies, take your hearts and run as fast as little legs can carry em From Baltimore
There are better boys in Boise Boys in Boise always call You'll have better luck in Josie Or St. Paul Well, not St. Paul
But no matter where life takes you It just makes no sense to fall In Baltimore.
Hey, where are you from? Silver Spring? Oh!
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